I’ve concluded that I am a variety-dater. In the same breath, I’ve concluded that I am a much better “dater” than I am “girlfriend” or “partner.” I actually like to date more than one person at a time. If I could have my way, I would have one person that I date every Monday; a person for Tuesdays and so on and so forth. Actually, it would make me even more happy to have 7 dates per week with 7 different people. I must add, though, that variety dating wasn’t something that I had planned for my life a year ago. I never pondered the idea of dating anyone other than the one I was completely in love with. I was in a committed relationship with someone who I loved, cherished and cared for. I never did betray her nor did I consider it. While in that relationship, I was aware that this one person was the only person in the world that I cherished to that capacity, though. I was also consciously aware, as was she, that she was the only person that I would be willing to be totally faithful and totally committed to. From the outside looking in, this leaves room for judgment and criticism, I’m sure. But if you look at the dynamics of my personality and the things I hold appreciation for, you will be able to see that variety-dating truly aligns with my emotional, physical, social and intellectual needs.
Engagement has always been one of my social needs. I appreciate the power of total and complete engagement. I actually just finished reading “The Power of Full Engagement” for the third time. I like the idea of connectivity. I like the idea of learning about people. Discussing their lives, their likes and their goals. I think anyone who knows me can attest that one thing I can do without a problem is hold a conversation. When people talk to me, they know I am listening. I am reflective. I engage myself in conversations. I find the art of engagement to be a beautiful component of life. Dating (a variety of different people) contributes to my social needs in more ways than one. Thinking back on my life, the best week I’ve had in my life involves a Sunday brunch date with a new person over strawberry/banana pancakes and mimosas; a Monday night football watch party with another person; a poetry reading with another person on Tuesday; a happy hour on a Wednesday with a different person; a Thursday escape from work lunch with someone else; a Friday club night with another and a Saturday movie and dinner date with a completely different person. Although I barely knew any of the people I dated that week, I felt engaged and I got to meet new people and vibe with them. Some of them, I dated again; others I am now friends or associates with. That was a week of total engagement. Of being personable. Of having experiences that I won’t forget. I'm a very attractive person who holds appreciation for the same. Not only am I physically attractive; I am also an attractive person on the inside. I like to share that wealth with others and I like to engage and vibe with people who are like me. We're rare. How often do you run into someone who is drop dead cute and intelligent and kind and funny all at the same time? Not often. It's usually one extreme or the other. I have them all and this is beautiful :-)

Dating, for me, has been a topsy-turvy journey. Sometimes a little too topsy-turvy for my liking; sometimes exciting and vibrant enough to keep me focused and wanting it more. I have encountered some CRAZIES; just as I have encountered some life-touching folks. Lately, I’ve been forced to re-examine what it truly is I crave when it comes to dating.Nearly every person I have dated tells me that I am a great dater. That they enjoy spending time with me. That My dating them has touched their life. I can easily say that I LOVE TO DATE. I like to go places, critique them and have someone with me for the ride. I like to show people places I've been and places I appreciate. This year, my goal is to engage more. I’m launching a new project. "Date me in 09." I will go on as many dates as I can this year---using caution of course. (unless something drastic happens like the love of my life taking me back), I will create a journal for the project and write about each and every date that takes place. Good and bad. Should be an interesting journey. One that I hope to turn into a project that engages more people :-)

i've always considered myself to be a conservative person when it comes to monitoring my waste, recycling, giving, donating and not buying more than i will actually consume. i totally and completely understand the impact that wastefulness has on the environment as well as the homeless, hungry and working poor. last night, i actually became mad at myself and decided that i need to strengthen my efforts to be better for the world around me. i've been selfish. i've been wasteful. without even realizing it. it's not fair to the hungry,homeless or poor population for me to buy more than i can consume and then toss it out when i discover that i don't have a need for it. last night, while in the process of preparing to cook my infamous vegetarian spaghetti, i realized that there were items in my refrigerator that i would never or no longer need. so i decided to clean out my refrigerator. i threw away so much stuff that it was ridiculous. stuff that i had only used once, like tub of margarine i bought a month ago for a recipe that called for 2 tbsp. of it. i don't eat butter. i don't eat margarine. why did i even buy such a huge tub of it knowing i would never use it again? or, the italian dressing i bought because it was on sale 2 for $4.....and didn't end up liking it. or, better yet, the coconut coffee creamer that i just bought 2 days ago and only used once only to discover that the smell makes me nauseous. then, there were the vegetables. i pride myself by being able to say that i buy my fruits and vegetables from local farmers and farmers markets. i do. always. but lately, even those are spoiling faster than they usually do. just last weekend, i spent $30 bucks at the local market on tomatoes, cucumbers, jalepenos, onions and mangos. i bought them in bulk because it was cheaper....never considering that i would and could never consume so much of either. i live alone. i don't have kids. all of this was for me and only me. and i had to throw 75% of it out because it had gone bad. this is terrible and i must admit that i am disgusted as a result. i regularly volunteer for the local homeless alliance. i see the face of poverty and homelessness every time i volunteer. i'm consciously aware of it; yet, i've been buying more than i consume. if i just HAVE to buy in bulk, why not donate the portion i don't use to the hungry? or why not just buy what i know i will consume and save my money....or donate it to a family who is in more need than i am? these are things that i would usually do anyway....but lately i've been selfish, unsocietable and have lacked the consciousness that all human beings should hold.

given the increased homeless and unemployment rates (as a result of the current economical crisis), please join me in being more conscious and more societable. don't buy more than you will consume. don't be wasteful. there are people out there who would die to have the things you are throwing away.

I was just telling my soul-mate that my social calendar is far more hectic than my work schedule. Then, i looked at my personal calendar and it's true. I live for happy hours. I'm always available to friends----even when i really don't have time to be. and the main thing is, i really enjoy good drinks, cold beer and good conversation all in the same setting. my social calendar from now until january is BOOKED. I have something going on definitely every weekend....and lots of times on weekdays too. it's my duty, i suppose, as a social butterfly, to live up to the standards of my title. a well-deserved one with many years to back it up.

tonight i will be at absinthe lounge near downtown dallas.http://www.absinthelounge.net/
it was a last minute late night invite from a good friend. i said yes, of course. even though i have to wake up early.

tomorrow will be an easy evening....

but then friday....it all starts again! going to a happy hour and a house gathering in the same night. back to back. 2 different cities.

saturday is a thanksgiving party from 4 til whenever. and possibly going to live music and drinks at brooklyn's after that http://www.brooklynjazzcafe.com/

sunday is, of course, the cowboys game so i will, of course, be there.. after the game, i'm going to a poetry event at absinthe lounge from 9-1am----never mind that i have to wake up early on monday

thanksgiving day is another cowboys game and i have not missed a game all season so why miss this one....and possibly drinking thereafter

the friday following thanksgiving is black friday....so we'll be shopping

the saturday following thanksgiving is an all black party....a formal event.....(i still haven't shopped for my attire...BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO SO)

and then there's december. don't EVEN get me started on December....3 organized happy hours added onto the random happy hours i partake in ( usually 3 a week). holidays. possible travel. holiday shopping. decorating. holiday parties. basketball games....never ending.

all of this coupled with the fact that i still manage a very busy career. very busy. year-end is no joke in the accounting/finance world.

am i the only one who is forced to keep a separate planner designed strictly for their social life?!?!?!?!

i have a career to maintain. friends to support. family to support. and a social calendar that doesn't allow me to sit for longer than 5 minutes at a time. until january, if you call or text and i don't answer, i'm not ignoring you....i'm just busy. the best way to reach me and get a response is via email....

good thing is, i still manage to keep a strict, healthy diet. i'm kicking ass in my career. and i still manage to keep up on my netflix movies, emails, workouts and poetry writing. things could be worse.

good day folks

I’m a fan of the Texas A&M Aggies. A&M, however, is not my alma mater. I never studied there. In fact, I never studied in the state of Texas at all. They’re not necessarily the front-runner in college sports. I really don’t know anyone who attends the college---I just embrace the fact that my roots are there; thus I am loyal. I remember long summer trips to my Grandma’s hometown of Tunis, Texas. 15 miles down the road from A&M. In order to get to Tunis, you must drive thru the A&M campus. I remember cruising thru the campus as a little girl. I remember sitting in my great grandma’s house watching the games on T.V. while my whole family cheered them on; regardless of whether or not they were winning or losing. I remember hearing stories about my ancestors who either studied there or helped construct the various buildings that sit so eloquently on the campus. Part of my history lives on that very campus. Therefore, even though I have never attended the college, I am a loyal supporter of it. I wear my A&M hoodie on game day. The cups in my cabinet contain the A&M logo. I’m loyal. I’m faithful and above all things, I am committed.
When I go to starbucks, I ALWAYS get a white chocolate mocha with a half shot of caramel. It never fails. In fact, the baristas know me when I walk in. I’ve stuck to the same product at Starbucks for years (though I prefer independently owned coffeehouses.) My trips to Starbucks are a great experience. Ones that I embrace and make personal. I’m loyal. I’m committed.

My mother worked at Colgate Palmolive for MANY years. Needless to say, you will only see Colgate toothpaste and toothbrushes in my bathroom. You’ll only see me use Palmolive dish soap. She doesn’t work there anymore and hasn’t for years. But Colgate has been part of my life experience. Therefore, I am loyal. I am faithful. I am committed.
Every chance I get, I support small, independently-owned and minority owned businesses. Nothing tickles my fancy more than going to little ol’ Mad Jack’s Fresh Fish in Kansas City and making sure I spend good dollars there. The food and service are good; but more importantly, Mad Jack’s is a part of my experience. The countless days my grandma had me travel down there for fresh fish in preparation for her Friday Night Fish Fry’s. The countless times I’d come in town from Dallas to take my brother out to eat and he picked Mad Jacks. I have no other choice but to be loyal. To be faithful. To be committed.

By now you get my drift on the acts of loyalty, commitment and faithfulness.
Loyalty is, indeed, a result of commitment coupled with faithfulness. I use faithfulness here instead of faith because faith is a noun and faithfulness is a verb. You can hold faith; you have to act out and live out faithfulness. As I ponder on what it means to be loyal and the characteristics of loyalty, I must conclude that in my life I have met very few people who practice loyalty. I have met very few people who contain faithfulness as an attribute. Furthermore, I have met even fewer people who embrace what it truly means to be committed. I happen to be committed to my life experiences. It saddens me to realize that the majority of the people I encounter lack loyalty in human relationships. The loyalty I speak of in the above-mentioned sections of this journal are the same type of loyalty that people should carry over to interactions with other people. It’s fair. It’s right. But it has proven to be a true test for most. I am all for human accountability and doing my part. I get excited when I see people doing their parts-----doing whatever it takes to bring solace to their lives or intense situations. I have adopted the ideology that a great part of being accountable means that you are loyal, faithful and committed----in all aspects of your life. Whether it includes brand loyalty or loyalty to the ones you love. Today, as I reflect on the last 27 years of my being, I have been bitten. I have often received the short end of the stick. Especially when it comes to relationships with other people. My loyalty is either taken for granted or taken advantage of. I practice what I preach; but I have not always been a recipient of the same courtesy. When you give loyalty to someone, you are basically giving a part of you to that person with hopes that maybe they can reciprocate. With hopes that maybe they will hold great appreciation for your commitment. It’s the same as being a frequent buyer and receiving 10% discounts as a result. Loyalty is about appreciation. Which is why I have a free coffee at my next visit to starbucks. Which is why Colgate mails me manufacturer’s coupons. Which is why Mad Jack’s never charges me for the extra hot sauce I so consistently order. But if loyalty is about appreciation in the same contexts, why haven’t human relationships provided me with 50% off? I actually favor the idea of getting more for my money.

i've said this before....and for some reason i feel the need to reiterate it today....:

sometimes the extent of life's complications is dependent on how you handle them
how you embrace the challenges and how you choose to deal with the complexity of situations.
i've learned, through living and through experiences, that the way you move matters more than the routine you are dancing to.
in other words, the way you choose to handle things weighs more in importance than the actual complexity.
your decisions are what make it more complex or less complex




food for thought as i try my damndest to embrace today:

the grass is not always greener on the other side
open your eyes and be wise
any yard can be green if it's fertilized

in other words, embrace your role, take care of your own yard and make the most of what you have.

-take 1000 mg of this antibiotic to rid of your tooth infection; but you're sure to get a yeast infection that will irritate the shit out of your pu-nanny.

-it's part of the cycle to bleed monthly onto a cotton string; but more than likely, in the process, you'll get acne, pimples to be exact,headaches and excruciating cramps that make you homicidal.

-take this birth control pill to help with hormonal balance; but you're sure to gain hella weight and probably have a hard time losing it.

can't win for losing

(i still love being a woman. but DAMN! we have it hard)

just as i was starting to get through the things i had been going through....
the break-up. the hurtful things associated with it. the reality that she has no intention to make it work, apparently....the reality that i was getting over it. me getting over a love like that is a big deal. and i got over it. i jumped the hurdle, finally. just as i was starting to feel good about life. met a few people who grasped my attention. a few who i enjoy spending time with. a few who respect me and show me the right amount of attention, attention that i didn't get from her. just as i was happy about being single and having multiple options, beautiful ones. just as i got back into the scene and have things to be happy about. things to celebrate. bad news comes and my whole life is shattered. this weekend we found out that my sister has multiple sclerosis, coupled with diabetes. we didn't know she was at risk for either. my sister is my closest friend and she means the world to me. she is the best person i know; a way better person that i could ever hope to be. to see her go through something of this magnitude at the age of 29 is disheartening. it's unfair and it makes me wish that i could be in her place so she wouldn't have to endure so much pain. the fact that i live all the way in texas doesn't help. she lives in missouri. and the fact that i work in an industry where the end of the fiscal year is just as important as the presidential election, too much time away from the office around this time can cause my career to shatter. i have to be on my P's and Q's for the remainder of the year because its "year-end" in the finance industry. i can't explain the intensity of the emotions i am experiencing. in fact, it's easier to just say i am a nervous wreck. i'm the backbone of my family. and if anything were to ever happen to either of my siblings, i don't know what i would do. that's the realest shit i have ever said. so with saying that, this situation has me on the edge.

then, who's the first person i call when i get bad news? my ex. why???????
i still care for her. in fact, i am still in love with her. the sucky part is, i am doubtful that the feeling is mutual---based on recent things that were said and done. i thought she was in love with me too, but once again, she proved me wrong. i now see that me loving her is a wasted effort as she will not reciprocate. it hurts like hell. she treated me very rude and was very inconsiderate recently and it really hurt my feelings to a capacity that i never have felt before. it was the final straw for me. in all of my efforts to try to be what she needed me to be, to fix shit on my end for her, she has yet to do the same for me. we were repairing things and it felt good----but she hurt me for the last time this time. she has made no attempt to even talk about the things that happened (let me remind you that we had been on talking terms, regularly.) we had one incident that was blown out of proportion. a situation where she misinterpreted an action i presented and gave me no chance to prove my side. very unfair and unnecessary argument. and then she ends it all. all hope is gone in a matter of days; when i have spent so long throwing love at her; and the last few months i have been begging her to take it and do right by it....but....it is what it is. i'm heart-broken and thankful that i have met some people who are helping me through it. people who want to know me deeper than the surface. people i enjoy spending time with. making plans with....too bad life gets in the way of living. keep my family in your thoughts please

why do we give so much of ourselves to people who don't value us to the same capacity?

why do people rush into relationships before they actually get to know the other person; or before they even know themselves?

i want a love that is patient with me.

i want a love that learns to understand me and all of my complexities.

a love that appreciates me whole-heartedly.

a love that can live on simplicity.

at this point in my life, there are so many complexities that i deal with daily. i have a busy career. a busy life. at the end of the day i want a love that wraps arms around me and says how was your day? let's cuddle. let's order out and stay in bed all weekend. let's go have a picnic in the park.

is love ever that easy?

Love has proven to be the equivalent of emotional rape
And love often proves to be the sweetest escape
A habit, like an addict, too rough and too tough to shake
Puzzling like a puzzle, hard to put together; but easy to break
I lie awake
In the middle of the moon’s transition
Wishing that love would, for once, attempt to listen
To the rolls of thunder that continue to fester within
But if I asked loved to listen, she wouldn’t know where to begin
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Like a cuffed up, fukked up, custom made cuff link
And I think
That love would appreciate the things I do
And reciprocate, because to tango, it definitely takes two
But love can’t see through
All of the bullshit that she presents
And love offers no sentiments
And love doesn’t make a bit of fukkin’ sense
So for now, love no longer represents
Anything that is associated with me
I’m retiring from love in an effort to be free
I cannot bear the constant ambiguities
One day love is a bed of roses; the next day it is filled with debris
And I finally see
That me and love too often clash
And I am not in favor of cleaning up loves trash
The nice ones finish, most likely, last
So I will wait, patiently, for time to pass
And in the meantime, love will remain a part of my past….

it should be a sin to be this cute....

first things first. i need a new video camera. a good one. i gave mine to my brother a couple of years ago, but it wasn't a good one anyway.

i have an idea. i would like to produce a documentary on what it really means and what it really is like being black in america. i'd interview people in my life, people from my old neighborhood. people i've encountered.

i also have a movie in mind. looking for independent film makers who know more about making movies than i do. i won't reveal the idea until the script is written and copywritten.

good things coming soon.

….by now, we should be living under the same roof….
Arguing over who unloads the groceries and who cleans the stool
Always envisioned my everyday in the presence of you
And by now we should be waking up to the same alarm clock
And fighting over hogging the blanket and you laying in my spot
Or me kissing you good-night, every night, in your favorite spot
We should be sitting at the table balancing our finances and paying bills
We should be planning family vacations and in love, we should be, still
But I can’t explain
The impact of change
We’ve moved away
From desires to be together everyday
And we’ve lost the desire to love and to embrace
We’re moreso at the point of get out of my face
I ain’t feeling you today
And we should be holding hands, grocery shopping, making sure the bills are paid
We should be at the point of what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours
Spring cleaning on weekends and sharing the chores
But love, in and of itself, has proven to be a chore
And love somehow found a way to get up and walk out the door
By now we should be on this vacation together, living it up
But you are there; and I am here and it doesn’t feel like it’s enough
Because by now we should be planning the party for our anniversary
It will be here soon; but you won’t be here with me
So I will cook a dinner in remembrance of you
Because by now, we shouldn’t be at the point where we are through
We should be saying I do
And taking an annual cruise
I’m hoping that destiny leads me back to you
Because by now this life and love thing should only be between me and you….

i'm using this journal post to explore the reality that all that glitters isn't gold. one could argue (such as myself) that gold is out of style anyway. if you ask me, i'll probably tell you that gold went out style with stockings, clogs, friendship bracelets, tube socks, mo hawks, afros, corn rows and matching jogging suits and wind-breakers. Gold, in and of itself, makes me shaky. When I see people wearing abundances of gold i cringe. And when i see people with gold TEETH i get nauseous. People are out of control with gold! i haven't worn gold since easter of '89. which is also probably the last time i wore a dress. But, that's beside the point i'm trying to make. i am focused on the cliche': "all that glitters isn't gold." Like seriously, it's true. i've recently been forced to examine my current state of being....

i live in texas. dallas to be exact. one of the largest and supposedly most booming cities in the U.S. it's huge. it's the headquarter spot for lots of corporations. it's a popular place. upon my arrival/transition to dallas, i thought that i would surely be exposed to wonderful mexican food, good eateries, booming night clubs, dynamite poetry venues.....
dallas is a beautiful city. but let me remind you that all that glitters....you know the rest. i LOVE mexican food. you can win my heart and soul by giving me a well-balanced salsa spicy enough and flavorful enough to make me shit my pants (i like it THAT hot.) Giving me a perfect mango margarita made with a smooth, top-shelf tequila will surely land you a place in my will. And CHEESE TACOS! The perfect fiesta blend of hot cheese in a shell topped with pico really makes me fall in love. i really believed dallas would tickle my fancy in this regard. silly of me! i haven't eaten good food since i've been here! the mexican food is either commercialized or tastes like shit. the asian food (my true fave) should be considered a threat to humanity. and everything else in between is just not right!

the poetry here sucks more than a breast-fed newborn. i'm a poet. a damned good one. i like to perform. i like to listen to others perform. the poetry venues here are elementary. it's not poetry, as a matter of fact. they should be called nursery rhymes. my poetry focuses on the realities of situations....its deep....its real....its captivating. so while i am spitting the truths about affirmative action and black on black crime (dropping the F bomb every third stanza); my competition is preparing to spit some shit about a wildflower that suddenly grew as soon as she blinked her eye?!?!??!! GET REAL. as a writer, i understand imagery, metaphors etc., but really, who wants to hear that shit in a SLAM atmosphere? especially after they've had about 3 shots of patron and 4 budlights (ok ok, speaking for myself) Let's get down and dirty! move over and let me spit about racism in america, or the effects of a REAL break-up, or economical woes......real shit. i'm often out of place :-(

kansas city has all of the things i appreciate.
i can ALWAYS find good thai, chinese or mongolian food. i know where to go.and most of them know me on a first name/nickname basis STILL. they know what i'm going to order before i even do.
i actually have competition when i compete in poetry slams. people spit about similar shit as me and they use the same tones as me. the F word isn't a disgrace there!
i can get some bomb ass salsa and good mexican food whenever i have the craving. which is more often than not.
i can't figure out why i'm not there. in other words, i think i am ready to go.

you've heard it multiple times. " you live and you learn"
it's said so often that it has become more of a cliche' than a realistic implication.
the thing about it is: it's true. you live. you go through life. you have experiences. and you learn from those dynamics. such is life. living and learning don't go hand in hand though.
you can live and not learn.
and you can learn and not live.
when you live and don't learn, it means that you are at a place in your life where you should embrace your experiences. you should accept challenges. you should become more connected. living, without learning, creates an imbalance in your life and really sets the tone for depression and complacency.
when you learn, without living, you are limiting yourself and hindering your full potential. you have it all; but you're not doing anything with it. you have the resources and tools, but you're not using them.
learning without truly living sets the tone for an isolated life. one that leaves you in a box. one that leaves you feeling empty.

the combination of the two helps you see past the box. it helps you move above and beyond. it eventually creates balance and happiness. somewhere out there, happiness exists for all of us. the sooner we live and learn in the same capacity; the sooner we can feel free, whole and ready.

life has been good to me. but it was because i wasn't living and learning,collaboratively, that i ended up sinking into a depression. one that facilitated many complexities in my life. ones that kept me in a cycle of emptiness and loneliness. for so long, i learned but didnt live. then i lived and didn't learn. this time around i'm taking a combination approach to this thing. since i have combined the two, i'm happier than i have ever been. good things are happening:

in recent news: dorrance publishing company on the east coast has contacted me about my poetry; they are interested in reading my manuscript and considering it for publishing. of course i am ecstatic about the whole ordeal. i always put alot into my poetry. most of them being based on personal experiences. writing poetry is an outlet for me, it's how i release. it reveals the real side of me. i am excited about the possiblity of sharing it.

i re-connected with the love of my life on a positive note. our communication continues to be positive. i'm actively working through the things i need to work through to make sure i don't repeat the same mistakes. we're bonding and vibing, learning each other over again. it feels right. it feels good.

i'm learning to take my time in all that i do. im learning to be patient. calm and understanding. these are things i lacked in the past; which, in turn, caused chaos in my life. i'm easier to get along with. i'm focused on outcomes. i'm taking life on by the horns. i embrace challenges and when i wake up every morning, i put my best foot forward. it's a good way to start a new day.

i no longer feel empty and complacent. i'm all for the bottom line and trying to reach a destination. a destination that is composed of happy love. happy life. balance. i'm ready

these days, my biggest problems are mediocre. like what color shirt to wear with my new baby pink slacks. which shoes to wear with my green polo. how much water to put in my oatmeal because i like it perfectly lumpy. how much money to put into the canada trip. which movie to order from netflix. small things. i'm thankful to say i have overcome depression. i fought it and i won. and suddenly i feel strong enough to fight any battle. i look at the lives of many people and i look at how far i've come. i immediately give thanks to nature for placing me in this position. i'm in control. i'm learning. i'm loving and i'm living----all in the same capacity. give it your best. start off on the right foot everyday. you'll see that the end result is rewarding.

What does it mean to be Black in America? What are some of the biggest challenges, issues and misconceptions faced by black men, women and families?

i've put alot of thought into what it means to be black in america. here's what i feel and think on a personal level:

being black in america means that no matter my position in corporate america; "they" still look down on me as though i still am not good enough; or as if a black woman can't possibly be an asset in the corporate world. they assume that my position is more of a charity handed down to me just because i am black and because affirmative action says i have to be here.....when in reality, i am where i am because i worked hard (harder than them) to get here. because i have the education and experience to back it up. because i am skilled, independent and resourceful.

being black in america means that my brother, as a black man, will always be a target for the police to profile, regardless of his lack of involvement in crime and his attempts to live an honest productive life. he will always get pulled over for no reason; he will always work jobs that pay very little and he won't have access to the resources and allocations that "they" have.

being black in america means that my communities will always lack the resources that they need; they will always be surrounded by drugs and crime because there are not any other outlets available to us; but suburban white kids have all of the resources and protection that they need.

being black in america means that no matter what, i will always have to go the extra mile and fight ten times harder than "them" because discrimination and prejudices exist and are ever-so-present.

being black in america means that i, as a black woman, have work to do with hopes that more of my people will unite. we have to take the preservation of our heritage, our families and our communities into our own hands. we have to stick together and become one. the reality is, also, that being black in americe means that the fight amongst my own people, the hatred we pose on one another etc., is hindering our growth and our potential.

i say, as always, support minority owned business, support your community businesses, be active in your community. the sad reality is, businesses in many black communities are non-existant. we have to do something to prevail. the odds have always been against us.

life, in and of itself, is very complex.
there are things, people and situations that lend complications to everyone's life.
when things are chaotic in your realm, how do you get to the point where you're ok?
how do you find balance in a world of chaos?

people often tell me that they admire how i deal with life, in general
sometimes, it makes me wonder what lens they are looking through because i experience the same or similar complications as they do....
then i realize, sometimes the extent of life's complications is dependent on how you handle them
how you embrace the challenges and how you choose to deal with complexity of situations.
i've learned, through living and through experiences, that the way you move matters more than the routine you are dancing to.
in other words, the way you choose to handle things weighs more in importance than the actual complexity.
your decisions are what make it more complex or less complex
at least in my eyes
my philosophy is such:
there are only so many hours in a day
these are my tasks and goals today
this is my desired outcome
this is what NEEDS to get done to prevent future complexities from arising
this is where i want to be
this is what my body feels like doing, or not
this is the level of energy i have today

then i go from there
if my heart and body tell me to take a break from it all: i do

i'm involved in so many things. i'm always busy from a work and leisure perspective
i have to maintain balance in my life so i won't get lost
i have to maintain structure in my world so i can see the path

when i am at the work, that is my duty. that is my focal point. doing what i need to do while i am there
when i pull out of the office, my focus shifts to home. taking care of home and personal business
when i am with friends, my task is to embrace them and center my attention around them and that relationship
it's urgent to seperate.
i don't want my friends calling me at the office; and i don't want work stuff to arise while i am with my friends. that's called imbalance



these are my methods to the madness. what are yours?

my dreams are bigger than my fears....

balance is crucial in all aspects of life....

i'm looking at the big picture....

i am using my energy to produce quality....

life without oatmeal, coffee, salad, sex, beer and netflix would be impossible!

this time around, i'm doing it right because love is what love does.

You can’t be sure of where you’re going if you’re not conscious of where you’ve been
If you haven’t learned to value your encounters with your family and your friends
If you haven’t taken time to reflect on the experiences that have come your way
How can you prepare for tomorrow, when you have yet to embrace today?
Give everyday your all, as if tomorrow does not exist
Be active in your community, it takes a village to raise our kids
Use your energy to produce quality in whatever it is you do
Do right by others, because karma comes back full-circle to you
Treat yourself special, as if you are a King or Queen
Be assertive, tell the truth and always say what you mean
And more importantly, follow-through
Be a resource for those who could potentially need you
Take care of your body, for it is your temple
Read books, take notes, keep positive thoughts flowing through your mental
Embrace the blessings you have today because tomorrow is not guaranteed
Recognize your role in life and always give more than you expect to receive
Keep your soul and spirit in touch with Nature as she surrounds you everyday
Do whatever you need to get centered-whether you meditate or pray
Show the people in your life you love them, unconditionally
Be active and effective in your priorities
And never give up on being the best you can possibly be!

This is the genetic make-up of a good life
Nothing is ever too hard, if you really try
For when the time comes for me to die
I want to be complete
I want the life I live to be a reflection of me!

Mommy and me at Stone Trail in Dallas.